Lady Paperclip (paperclipbitch) wrote,
Lady Paperclip

"Mr Sandman, bring me a dream, make him the cutest that I've ever seen..."

Title: April Fools (Interlude- September 1999)
Fandom: House MD- Grey Gardens AU
Pairing: House/Stacy (with Wilson/wives undertones)
Challenge/Prompt: Haven't decided yet.
Rating: PG
Genre: Het
Part One Is: here
Summary: On the morning of Greg House’s wedding to Stacy Kelley, James Wilson woke up at six a.m in a booth in a bar with his ex-wife’s head crushed into his left thigh.
Author’s Notes: An interlude while I fine-tune part two.

On the morning of Greg House’s wedding to Stacy Kelley, James Wilson woke up at six a.m in a booth in a bar with his ex-wife’s head crushed into his left thigh. He looked blearily down at her and the tendrils of her loose pink hair all over the dark blue denim of his jeans. The position of her head meant that from certain angles their arrangement looked rather incriminating.

“Laura…” he mumbled. She didn’t move. He sighed. On his right shoulder was Lisa Cuddy, ebony hair curling down his chest. His shoulder was going to sleep. Crushed on Cuddy’s other side was House’s college mate Crandall, apparently quite awake and staring around looking hungover. House himself was stretched out on the other side of the booth, looking completely comfortable and peacefully asleep. James glared at him for a minute, and then decided to get up and see if his legs could work. He pushed Cuddy gently onto Crandall and then moved onto the more pressing business of getting Laura off his crotch without waking her up.

“Morning Jimmy,” she groaned, carefully manoeuvring herself upright and brushing bright pink hair off her face. “Oh fucking hell. I’ll never drink again.”

“You said that every time,” James pointed out, erratically tucking a lock of hair behind her ear for her. “And the next day we’d be right back on the shots.”

“We were young. We were stupid,” Laura muttered sagely, easing out of the booth and getting to her feet, cracking her knuckles.

“Well, we’re certainly still stupid,” James groaned. “Weren’t there some of House’s team here? Lucy and that guy with the hair…”

“They went home hours ago,” Crandall replied.

“Lightweights,” Laura smirked, then sank into a heap on the floor. “Oh, I feel *bad*.”

“Wedding’s in a few hours,” Crandall pointed out. They all looked at House, stubbled and unconscious.

“You know,” Laura said thoughtfully, “I promised Stacy that I’d make him shave. And we have to put him in his tux and we have to…” -she waved her hand vaguely- “And there’s a dress that I think I have to put myself in some time.”

“Yeah, me too,” James sighed. Paused. “Well, maybe not the dress part.”

Crandall was attempting to wake up Cuddy, and James decided that meant he was left to get Greg upright. He shifted from his side of the booth to stand up and stretch, feeling bones crack that he was sure weren’t *meant* to crack, and moved around to poke at House.

“House! Greg! Wake up!” he ordered loudly, shaking his shoulder. It didn’t work. James sighed, shifting so he could sit on the table. “‘We’ll just go for a few drinks to celebrate my impending nuptials’, you said.”

“Should’ve got suspicious when he said ‘impending’ and ‘nuptials’,” Cuddy pointed out, yawning. “He always called it ‘that thing Stacy and I have to do that involves far too many flowers’ when I was around.”

James smirked. “I certainly should have got suspicious by the time the fourth round of tequila shots arrived.” He turned back to House. “Any particular reason you want us all catatonic and in pain throughout your wedding? How am I supposed to do the best man speech now?”

“Perhaps,” Laura suggested helpfully, “You could have written it a few days ago. A few weeks ago, even. It’s not like they sprung it on you.”

House and Stacy had been engaged for months and then House declared his wish to marry her. The reason he gave was that he wanted to be married before the year two thousand, because when the millennium bug disintegrated society and they all had to start living in tribes and eating each other, he wanted a wife to eat rather than some random stranger. Any excuse.

“You,” James said, turning around and pointing at his ex-wife, “Don’t get to judge me.”

“Fine,” Laura muttered, scrambling to her feet. “But one would think you knew all about the wedding thing by now Jimmy.”

Cuddy grimaced and Crandall made a soft hissing sound through his teeth. James decided it was just as well he was hungover enough for it not to hurt. Laura either didn’t notice or didn’t care that she’d just made him feel completely useless, as she leant over House.

“Greg,” she said loudly and clearly, “If you don’t get up *right now* I will go find Stacy and tell her we slept together last night.”

“She won’t believe you,” House mumbled, refusing to open his eyes, “I had to explain our whole history thing when she wanted to know why I was inviting you. She knows we only slept together three times.”

“Once,” James corrected him.

“Nope, three times,” Laura replied, looking guilty. “Once before the divorce, and twice after.”

“And you were going to tell me this…”

“Never,” House told him, sitting up and rubbing his eyes before looking at them all. “You look like shit.”

“*Someone* got us drunk last night,” Cuddy said in a very accusing tone. “I think I have to go help Stacy out with her dress soon and I can’t feel my legs.”

“Should definitely have turned down the brandy and Tia Maria then,” House pointed out. “Hey, weren’t some of my team here? Lucy and the guy with the hair…”

“One of us should learn his name some time,” Cuddy said thoughtfully. “Why *did* you get us all drunk, just out of interest?”

“Wanted a last chance to try and lay you all before I become married and therefore shouldn’t,” House murmured, apparently saying the first thing that came into his head.

“All you had to do was *ask*,” Laura said, rubbing at her forehead.

“And I would have said ‘no’ no matter how drunk you got me,” James added, watching Crandall and Cuddy wisely keep quiet.

“I live in hope,” House murmured softly, manoeuvring his way out of the booth. “Ok, so who’s going to come and play the tux game with me?”

“I’m the only one here capable of doing a bow tie and I’m going to help out Stacy,” Cuddy told him as she and Crandall carefully got up.

“And I’m going back to my hotel to throw up for three hours and then prettify myself so I can make Lizzy jealous,” Laura said.

“You are not!” James turned on her.

“Jimmy, she’s your new wife and all that. Wife number one has to turn up and warn her off and imply that the marriage isn’t really over just to cause lots of awkward conversations,” House smiled contentedly. “It’ll add drama to the reception for when I get bored.”

“I hear she’s really gorgeous and talented,” Laura said, eyes gleaming with excitement. “As opposed to your far-too-skinny and fluorescent-haired first wife with her inability to hold down a job.”

“You’re very pretty Laura,” Crandall told her.

“Why *thank you*,” Laura smirked, “I like you.”

“You are not to torment her and you are not to call her Lizzy either,” James muttered. “She doesn’t like it.”

“Doesn’t like it much if you call her Libby either,” House added with a wicked grin. “Oh, the pain she caused me when I tried it.”

“I think we should call for a cab,” Cuddy cut in, obviously trying to inject some practicality into the conversation again.

“Always the voice of reason,” House murmured affectionately, “Knew there was a reason why I keep you around.”

“I’ll try very hard not to be offended,” Cuddy tossed over her shoulder as she went over to the payphone in the corner.

“So,” Crandall said, “Why *did* you get us all quite this drunk?”

“I was kind of hoping Laura would re-enact that lovely thing she did in Vegas after a bottle of tequila.”

“What, marry Jimmy?” Laura frowned.

“No, the bit after.”

“I’m… drawing a blank. Don’t actually remember much about the wedding either, come to think of it. Remember waking up the next morning though.” She winced. “It’s just as well you were so pretty Jimmy and had those puppy dog eyes going for you, or I’d have murdered you.”

“What was the bit after?” James asked, because he remembered very little of the first wedding either. He remembered the fake wedding they’d had to keep his parents quiet, when there had been far too many flowers and veils and people, but his actual legal wedding in a Vegas Wedding Chapel was a bit of- a lot of- a blur.

“The table dancing thing she did,” House explained. “Was I the only sober one there?”

“Yes,” Laura and James replied in unison. Crandall sniggered. Cuddy made her way, slightly unsteadily, back over to them.

“There should be a cab here in about ten minutes,” she told them, “We can just get it to drive where we need it to and split the fare.”

“Your practicality really is very sexy,” House said thoughtfully.

“That’s the drink talking,” she told him with a smirk.

James felt the warm weight of Laura collapsing onto his shoulder and wrapped an arm around her back to hold her upright. He still had no idea where he stood with his ex-wife, but maybe that didn’t matter.

It was about then, with Laura groaning in pain into his t-shirt and Cuddy removing her shoes and Crandall commenting that it was raining outside and House murmuring figures that James worked out quite why it was that they were all so hungover.

House was *nervous*. He was actually so nervous that the night before the wedding he’d wanted to drink himself into a drunken stupor, but he hadn’t wanted to do it alone. So they’d all been roped into it. James shook his head and almost forgave him then and there. Not quite, though, because the pain in his head really was excruciating.

Part Two
Tags: challenge: fanfic100, character: greg house, character: james wilson, character: lisa cuddy, pairing: house/stacy, pairing: wilson/wives, series: grey gardens, tv show: house md
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