Fandom: House MD
Challenge/Prompt: fanfic100, 047. Heart
Summary: House, Chase, Wilson, a coffee break and some heart-shaped candy.
Author’s Notes: I'm anxious. Have some fluff. I actually wrote this all the way back on Valentine's Day (look at the difference in style...). Well, it's not fluffy as such, it's just... not angsty. I promise there's no 'I love you' or anything.
For reasons Wilson can’t understand, and that will almost certainly never become clear, House is chucking heart-shaped candy at his head. This seems wrong on several levels, perhaps the most important being that House has heart-shaped candy. Eventually, when he’s tired of his head being used as target practise (he can imagine House thinking things like twenty points if you can hit Jimmy’s chin, fifty if you can get him on the nose, and that disturbs him), he turns to his friend.
“Cut it out!” he says, and tries to pretend that he can’t hear Chase sniggering away at the other end of the table. House opens his eyes wide, and attempts a butter-wouldn’t-melt expression, but the amused creases at the edges of his eyes tell a different story. Wilson sighs and picks up a chocolate heart in a shiny red wrapper.
“Why do you have all this candy anyway?” he asks, peeling back the foil and then shoving it into his mouth. Chase suddenly starts to concentrate very hard on his crossword.
“Cameron left it,” replies House, smirking broadly. Wilson swallows the chocolate.
“That seems unnecessarily stalkerish,” he remarks. “I thought that she was calming down a little.” House’s smile broadens.
“Oh Jimmy, you’ve forgotten it’s Valentine’s Day, haven’t you?” he says, his grin becoming evil. Wilson resists the urge to throw more candy back at him. It’s just too childish. “Well, I guess now you get why your wife was glaring at you this morning.”
Wilson has to admit he has a point there, but refuses to be baited, because jokes about his failing (failed?) marriage are the easiest part of this friendship to deal with. Instead, he opens up another chocolate heart and eats it contemplatively. Then a thought hits him.
“Why do you have so much candy?” he asks. “I get that it’s Valentine’s Day, but surely Cameron wouldn’t give you half a candy store.”
“Ah,” House smiles, “She left it out for everyone. But I felt, since I am the one that she truly loves, that I deserved it all.” At the other end of the table, Chase clears his throat, like he’s trying to remind House of something. House turns to look at him. “Chase, you were nothing more than a fuck-buddy,” he tells him condescendingly. Wilson watches Chase’s jaw tighten as he grits his teeth. House is never going to let Chase live his mistake down, and Wilson reflects that that is definitely one of House’s worst flaws.
“You’re completely negating the point of Cameron’s pointless gesture,” he says, reaching over to pick up a clear boiled sweet, painfully chiselled to be heart-shaped too.
“That sentence made no sense,” House replies, sighing. “Much like this stupid holiday. It’s just an excuse for greetings card companies and lingerie shops to make money, and for everyone else to feel bad about themselves.”
“Is there any holiday you like?” Wilson asks despairingly.
“Probably not,” House replies, unwrapping a lollipop that is, imaginatively, heart-shaped.
“Halloween?” Chase, apparently stuck on fourteen down or something, joins in the conversation.
“Nah, that’s just an excuse for kids to dress up in stupid clothes and dash about expecting presents when they’ve done nothing to deserve it,” House responds. “And Cuddy never thinks it’s funny when I compliment her witch costume.”
“That’s because she’s never wearing a costume,” Wilson mutters, as Chase continues:
“Celebrating the day that the Pilgrim Fathers came over and killed all the native people?” asks House sarcastically. “Yeah, sure, pass me the turkey.”
“Fourth of July?”
“Well, there is the allure of being allowed to buy fireworks legally,” he murmurs, “But then again there’s all that having to go see people and eat badly-cooked barbecue. Hmmm… nah.”
“The compulsory chocolate helps,” he admits. “And don’t ask me whether I enjoy my birthday, because, for one thing, it’s not a national holiday, and secondly, does anyone?”
Chase twists his mouth uncomfortably and turns back to his crossword.
“Hey, wasn’t it your birthday a couple of days ago?” House asks, like it’s only just occurred to him. The Australian concentrates very hard on the newspaper, blonde hair falling in his eyes. “What did you get?”
Chase’s eyes flicker to Wilson and then focus on the puzzle again. Wilson chooses another piece of candy and tries very, very hard not to look at House. The silence in the room is a little strained, and any second House is going to put it all together. Wilson closes his eyes. Five…four…three…two…one…
“Jimmy, you dog!”
“House!” he snaps, watching his friend cackling away merrily. Chase is going a curiously attractive shade of pink.
“So, what are you getting Robert here for Valentine’s Day?” asks House brightly.
“Piss off,” he mutters. House finding out any interesting information about his colleagues is like a kid with a new toy- he’ll keep playing with it until something snaps.
“Oh Jimmy, it wasn’t mushy was it?” asks House, smirking wickedly. “We don’t do big, heartfelt gestures in the House-Wilson family.”
“What, so we’re related now?” mumbles Wilson. “Would explain why I put up with you.”
House just laughs.
“He didn’t get me anything,” Chase says quietly, and Wilson wonders whether he should have done. That blonde hair is still all over Chase’s face so he can’t see his expression.
“Oh, tut tut Wilson. Didn’t you learn your lesson with what’s-her-name- wife number one?”
“Laura?” suggests Wilson, barely capable of remembering her name now anyway.
“Didn’t she throw a kitchen knife at you?”
“It was a herb slicer,” Wilson says with dignity he’s not sure he has, “And the marriage was dead by then anyway.”
“Sensing a pattern there,” House mutters. Wilson feels a little crushed although he has come to expect it from his so-called friend. Perhaps he sees the look on Wilson’s face and pities him, but for whatever reason, House turns his attention back to Chase. “Have one of these, since Jimmy is too cheap to buy you flowers,” he says, chucking a lollipop down to the Australian. Chase catches it without even looking, which Wilson has to admit is pretty cool.
“I don’t actually want flowers,” Chase remarks, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face as he takes the biro out of his mouth and replaces it with the candy.
“Good. I’ll only get hay fever,” House says, getting to his feet.
“It’s February,” Wilson feels compelled to point out.
“You know me Jimmy, I’m sensitive,” House says, widening those blue eyes. “Anyway, I’m going off to torment Cameron and Foreman, since they’re actually working.” He coughs. “Unlike Chase.”
“I’m on my break,” Chase protests almost incomprehensibly around the lollipop.
“You’ve been on your break for nearly an hour,” House points out.
“It’s been a long day,” replies Chase.
“Excuses, excuses,” House mutters as he limps out. And then he turns around. “Don’t touch my candy.”
Wilson waits until he’s long gone before walking around the table and giving Chase a kiss. Robert’s mouth is sticky and tastes like strawberry. He draws back and Robert smiles. Neither of them say Happy Valentine’s Day, because it’s not that kind of relationship, and besides, House is right- Valentine’s Day is kind of tacky.
“Want to eat the rest of the chocolate?” Wilson suggests, gesturing to the pile of sweets House has made in the centre of the table, although there’s quite a few scattered over the floor around Wilson’s chair, from where House was bouncing them off his head.
“You romantic, you,” Chase laughs.